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Grade 12
Poetry
Writing

M

Henry F., Grade 12, 826CHI
A trans student reflects on their desire to be male.

i want to be Male

as Male as the M tattooed onto the flesh of my birth certificate

and as Male as the M holding hands with my time of death

male at birth and male after death

and without meaning to, i imply legality,

and worse, a desire for the opposite of transsexualism

but more than that i want to be Teenage Boy Male

legs like thinning trees and a spine like a wave roaring towards the earth

natural boy, who has been documented in his prime and has evolved to be an

accidental detritivore

eating what dies within me and i host him and his words

he is a parasite and i want him to kill me if it means he gets to live

i want to cut myself shaving

because by deduction, i imply i have something to shave

i want to make myself a shrine to masculinity

carve the bone off of my hips and the fat from my thighs

take the stones that are aimed at my ribs and

crash them into the parts of myself they cannot reach

i am in a cult that is one birthday away from becoming religion

obsessed with orthodoxy’s grip on my life

i throw my body to the floor and the ground burns my skin like brimstone

the sin rising to the surface and leaving as a scream

praying to a god that does not love me

that he changes me into something that people can recognize

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