Grades 9–12
Memoir, NarrativeWritingGrowing up in a predominantly Spanish-speaking community, connection was fabricated through language and background. I found myself unable to truly grasp that kind of relationship when it came to relatives of my own because I, myself, couldn’t speak the language.
Growing up, my parents used to brush off the fact that I couldn’t understand Spanish assuming I’d eventually catch on as I got older. But the older I got, the more they questioned why I never did. Each expression of those who asked, “¿No hablas Español?” ached, because in a sense it felt like I was abandoning my family’s culture. I would often feel excluded from truly forming conversations with my relatives because of the language barrier between us, blocking me from forming any connection at all.
At one point, I began to feel resentful for the way I grew up because, as a Salvadoreña, I should have known Spanish. It was in my blood.
It wasn’t until I asked my mom why she hadn’t accustomed me to the language that I realized I wasn’t abandoning my culture, but representing it in a different light. I remember her telling me that she didn’t want me to experience the same struggle she had speaking English here, and even told me she regretted that decision. It made me realize the struggles she must’ve faced, coming into a country she didn’t know the language of.
My resentment surely faded into understanding and admiration for her strength—for being so brave in a place she must’ve felt she didn’t belong to. I realized that although Spanish still isn’t a language I’m fluent in, I could represent my culture and identity in other ways.
More specifically, in the food I make with my mom—whether it’s pupusas, tortillas, or chile rellenos—I was able to get a sense of the food she grew up with and implement it into my own life as well. Even in the dances my family taught me, I was able to learn even more about my culture in the way we dance and celebrate.
I am constantly learning more and more about my background due to the hardworking people around me. My mom had no idea what this country would be like for her, but she continued to stay in tune with where she grew up and I plan to keep that alive with me as well.
Although I don’t know Spanish just yet, I remember what my family shared with me and I’ve learned to represent that. I’ve decided that I’m proud of the community around me, and I should be proud of who I am as well. At the end of the day I’m just as Salvadorean as all the others. I will continue to keep my background alive just as my community intended for me.
This piece was originally published in We Are the Bridge by 826LA.
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